love factor

If one thing can be quantified, I'd hope it'd be love.

I don't know how to count, certainly because there isn't a perfect formula to calculate how much love you have for a certain person. Often time, people rely on horoscope, birthday or name match, or some innovative love calculators to determine whether two person matches (So far I don't know if that applies to same gender relationship, or threesome :p) How far do you believe in these metrics?

The issue of compatibility has been discussed in many aspects (Remember the last time you and your friends gossiping about another couple?) Basically, some people believe that couple with opposite personality will be bad match, although some believe otherwise. Many would think that personality is the most important factor in determining whether a relationship is able to last long or not, while some people think that there are other dominant factors, such as (Partner applies to both genders): 

1. Wealth

How much you are willing to spend on your partner per minute in the deluxe shopping haven. Notice it's not how much you can afford, because often times the amount you are willing to spend is equivalent to the perceived truthfulness in a relationship (In this specific situation). Therefore, backing up yourself with strong cash flow or you'll find yourself upset with either his/her dissatisfaction when you cannot pay or your overspent budget).

2. Time

How much time you are willing to sacrifice to just be beside your partner. Sometimes being together doesn't really require the person to find ideas to entertain the partner. Just the mere presence is satisfying, because the void in the heart is filled. Trust me, you'll be amazed because some nights when you're snoring heavily, he/she suddenly summon you to him/her. When you reach, you find that he/she just looking at your eyes, maybe giving you a hug and that's all while you're still in your pyjamas.

3. Ego

You must be a Nobel prize winner, or a Hollywood artist (assistant cleaner is acceptable, as long as related to anyone related to Hollywood), or a Multinational corporation (selling Nasi Lemak). The most important thing is that you must be perceived to be somebody with fame, authority, and status. Some people have this dream of becoming next to an important person, so that they feel the pride as well. Mark my words, I'm neutral at this. As long as you're happy with your choice. Butta... Nasi Lemak is a little simple, choose someone from a corporation which sells Nasi Lemak and Tomato Sauce. More variety!

4. Patience

You don't have to be smart, you don't have to be rich like Gill Bates. You just have to have that unlimited endurance to absorb any temper that your partner emits (I think the better word is "Shit out"). Like a sandbag, your job is to listen to the constant whining, beating, and the most fantastic logic for treating you so badly: I did this because I care! YES! You must be good at this, and don't worry, you are sure to get a partner.

5. Brain

Contrary to EQ, your job is to be the moving dictionary-cum-library-cum-Internet-cum-facebook-cum-whatsoeverthatcanmakepeoplehappy (Forgive me for the overflowing cums). You must be able to perform all the skills in KamaSutra and able to differentiate between a '97 and '98 wine. You must also be able to give 24/7 entertainment while solving ALL the problems that he/she faces.. Yes, extra knowledge and fresh skills learnt is very appreciated. And No, you must be fully operational all the time. Boredom and incompetence are totally intolerable. Find the solution yourself, or face his/her wrath!

6. Religion

Don't say I've not noticed it. I heard stories that some people followed a certain religion just to be together with the partner. I don't know how faith (or fate) plays here. Maybe God has it all in His plan? idk. Just hope it'd turn out just fine. There are also stories that initially joined a religion for the partner, ended up the guy/girl being more religious than the partner. Anything can happen, especially in God's will.

I forgot the original list suggested by my Korean lecturer (Good luck to him for he's now returning to Korea, great guy, appreciate him). But I guess everyone is entitled for his or her own requirements. 

Well, which are you?

Tolerance - Relationship

Tolerate

Tolerating can be an interesting issue in our lives: Some of us are just laid back and can accept anything that comes in their way, some people have tight nerves-they cannot be provoked even for a little (if you fart, you're fucked), and most of us lie somewhere in between. Some things we can stand, some things we just cannot endure.

Although we are in a culture that persistence is virtue, tolerance is value, I guess somewhere along there is an unwritten boundary which should not be trespassed. The line is drawn differently for each individual, but generally, we can refer to the golden rule : Do what you want others to do unto you. Like if you'll be extremely pissed off when someone greets your mom with the most exotic language on Earth, you will most likely not doing that towards others.

Since we are unable to determine what a person can tolerate, the Golden rule is one of the many ways to make sure we don't step on one's tail. Here I am to relate tolerance with relationship.

In a relationship, there are things which we can tolerate on our partner, and there are things which we feel disappointed. It's like some girls can accept smoking boyfriends, some girls totally reject that. Similarly, some guys are anti-shopaholic, some guys don't mind their girls' extravagant lifestyle. Since the preference is personal, right or wrong often depends on individual perception.

For me, I value reciprocity very much. I love a partner who understand what I mind and what I love, and in return, I'll give her (him as friend, it as pet) the benefit of mutual understanding. There are things I learnt to accept (just the way it is), even though it mildly contradicts with my previous values. In every relationship, there is give and take to be done. That's why I seldom subjugate an issue into her mind (read: mind-fuck).

Come to think of it, I used to think that girls are naturally charming (and still are), but when I saw the other side of the...well, side, I realized that charming is not the reality of all girls, but rather, what I want to believe is real. I think that some people who have never been into a relationship have this tendency to assume personalities on the other gender (in normal circumstances not including...same gender r/ship). It's like I also used to think girls are talkative and bossy, and they are impatient. I know stereotype isn't true all the time, but I perceived them as so. Therefore, I was really anxious at that time because I was uncertain whether my patience policy insures those perceived attitudes. In other word, I'm worried if I could not tolerate those things.

But hey, the wonderful experience I'm in now tells me that there are reason for everything. They're talkative because they want attention and they love to share their lives with us. They're bossy because they care and they hope we're alright. They're impatient because they themselves are nervous! See? These things can be perceived either way, and most of the time, emotion can lead to disasters because it makes us perceived negatively on what our partner did.

I'm not saying that they're doing it right. I'm just saying that most of the time the intention is pure (evil is also a pure intention :P). We need to mutually understand each others' wish and desire to be able to comprehend what our partner truly wanted. They may not do it the way we please, but hey, if it's not the end then it's fine. We can speak each others' mind out and change our method of expressing ourselves. Like some girls love to be late for a date because they took much time dressing up. She wants to present herself as lovely and worthy for the guy, but punctual guy could be irritated. Therefore, both of them can talk it out and perhaps on agreeing on terms like the girl will only dress up well in important events, and the guy will reach the girl's place a little later to give more time to the girl.

Minor adjustments are all that's needed to make each other comfortable living together. And sometimes they are able to repair a broken relationship. Question is, we are not always consciously aware of our likes and dislikes until it happens. So, having an open heart and always ready to learn to master our emotion are among the many things I've scribbled in my to-learn list.

Good luck in your relationship too (: