Tolerance - Relationship

Tolerate

Tolerating can be an interesting issue in our lives: Some of us are just laid back and can accept anything that comes in their way, some people have tight nerves-they cannot be provoked even for a little (if you fart, you're fucked), and most of us lie somewhere in between. Some things we can stand, some things we just cannot endure.

Although we are in a culture that persistence is virtue, tolerance is value, I guess somewhere along there is an unwritten boundary which should not be trespassed. The line is drawn differently for each individual, but generally, we can refer to the golden rule : Do what you want others to do unto you. Like if you'll be extremely pissed off when someone greets your mom with the most exotic language on Earth, you will most likely not doing that towards others.

Since we are unable to determine what a person can tolerate, the Golden rule is one of the many ways to make sure we don't step on one's tail. Here I am to relate tolerance with relationship.

In a relationship, there are things which we can tolerate on our partner, and there are things which we feel disappointed. It's like some girls can accept smoking boyfriends, some girls totally reject that. Similarly, some guys are anti-shopaholic, some guys don't mind their girls' extravagant lifestyle. Since the preference is personal, right or wrong often depends on individual perception.

For me, I value reciprocity very much. I love a partner who understand what I mind and what I love, and in return, I'll give her (him as friend, it as pet) the benefit of mutual understanding. There are things I learnt to accept (just the way it is), even though it mildly contradicts with my previous values. In every relationship, there is give and take to be done. That's why I seldom subjugate an issue into her mind (read: mind-fuck).

Come to think of it, I used to think that girls are naturally charming (and still are), but when I saw the other side of the...well, side, I realized that charming is not the reality of all girls, but rather, what I want to believe is real. I think that some people who have never been into a relationship have this tendency to assume personalities on the other gender (in normal circumstances not including...same gender r/ship). It's like I also used to think girls are talkative and bossy, and they are impatient. I know stereotype isn't true all the time, but I perceived them as so. Therefore, I was really anxious at that time because I was uncertain whether my patience policy insures those perceived attitudes. In other word, I'm worried if I could not tolerate those things.

But hey, the wonderful experience I'm in now tells me that there are reason for everything. They're talkative because they want attention and they love to share their lives with us. They're bossy because they care and they hope we're alright. They're impatient because they themselves are nervous! See? These things can be perceived either way, and most of the time, emotion can lead to disasters because it makes us perceived negatively on what our partner did.

I'm not saying that they're doing it right. I'm just saying that most of the time the intention is pure (evil is also a pure intention :P). We need to mutually understand each others' wish and desire to be able to comprehend what our partner truly wanted. They may not do it the way we please, but hey, if it's not the end then it's fine. We can speak each others' mind out and change our method of expressing ourselves. Like some girls love to be late for a date because they took much time dressing up. She wants to present herself as lovely and worthy for the guy, but punctual guy could be irritated. Therefore, both of them can talk it out and perhaps on agreeing on terms like the girl will only dress up well in important events, and the guy will reach the girl's place a little later to give more time to the girl.

Minor adjustments are all that's needed to make each other comfortable living together. And sometimes they are able to repair a broken relationship. Question is, we are not always consciously aware of our likes and dislikes until it happens. So, having an open heart and always ready to learn to master our emotion are among the many things I've scribbled in my to-learn list.

Good luck in your relationship too (: